Hello, my lovelies!
There are just a few days left in November and if you’re
doing NaNoWriMo you’re no doubt scrambling to write that last several thousand
words.
But it’s times like this when the doubt really starts to set
in and you’re wondering if your story matters. What is the point of all this?
Why are you still writing this?
What good are stories
really? I often ask myself in my darkest moments. They’re nothing more than
fiction- lies masquerading as something important and true. Why waste so much
time and energy investing in something that is only make believe?
And then I remember.
Life Sucks:
Sorry for being so blunt, but you can’t deny it, can you? Life
isn’t pretty. It’s one big mess after another.
I don’t need to rehash it all here but my teen years were
pretty dark ones. And that’s coming from someone who would say she had a happy
childhood. My parents are amazing and my home life has always been incredible.
I still live at home and I have no intention of changing that any time soon.
But still, life is life, and even the happiest of us get blindsided.
I got lost. I didn’t know who I was anymore or who I was
supposed to be. I stopped really living and just started surviving. Some days
were better than others but all the nights were the same. After my sister went
to college I was alone at night consistently for the first time in my life. And
as someone who thinks way too much that was dangerous.
I threw myself into my stories and other people’s stories
because that was the only thing that made sense. I finished my first book in
that time- a book of light and hope and optimism, which were all things I was
searching for.
We’re All Looking for
Light
My relationship with God crumbled then. I fought to hold
onto it but something was missing- there was a disconnect. I got saved when I
was five and when people talk about returning to your first love or having
childlike faith I know that they’re talking about. I remember what that was
like. I remember how God transformed my family, how miraculous it was. And somewhere
in those years I lost it. I wanted it back but I didn’t know how to go about
doing that.
I was convinced that if I went to the right church service
or prayed the right prayer it would fix everything. I was looking for a “God
moment,” like in the movies, where the character prays and God fixes
everything. In that instant everything changes.
I knew it could happen because I had seen it happen before.
And since it wasn’t happening there must be something wrong with me. It was
God’s will for me to have a relationship with him, I knew that. So if something
was keeping me from that it had to be me.
I was obviously broken. And I didn’t know how to fix myself.
Story Time:
I don’t remember how old I was exactly but I was in my late
teens. I bought a book at a discount story for $2.99- more than I would ever
pay for a paperback I hadn’t read before (I laugh now as I write this, thinking
of all the full price paperbacks I’ve bought since).
But I started reading it in the store and the main character
spoke to me. She told me I wanted to read her book- I needed to. So I bought
it.
I read in the car on the drive home and kept reading for the
rest of the afternoon. I took breaks to spend time with my family and get stuff
done but I kept going back to the book. I read most of it that day. The only
reason I stopped was because it was the Saturday before Daylight Saving and we
had to be up early for church the next morning.
I finished the book in church that Sunday, before the
service while my Mom and Dad practiced to lead worship later that morning.
It was a YA contemporary romance. The main character falls
in love with an actor who plays sparkly vampires in Twilight-esque movies. They
bicker constantly but each needs the other for something else so they come to
an agreement to tolerate each other. The tolerating turns to love and it’s
adorable.
And in his mercy, God decided to use this book to change my
life.
I’m Getting to the
Point, I Promise:
See in the midst of the bickering and falling in love the
main character was breaking.
She lost her brother- in a different way than I had lost
mine, but I understood what she was going through. She was falling apart inside
but pretending to be fine. And she was looking for God, looking to get rid of
the disconnect that was between herself and him.
I saw myself in her. And as her trip to Ireland and falling
in love with a sparkly vampire brought her healing, so it did me.
She finds God in the end. She finds him in such a way that
she realizes he’s been there all along. She has her big “God moment” and she knows
things are going to be okay.
But here’s why I needed this story- the book has an
epilogue, set two years after the end of the book- after the character’s big
moment. And she’s still broken. She’s healing and she’d growing closer to God
but she’s not there yet.
And sitting in church that Sunday, reading the end of the
book, I knew God had inspired the author to write it for me. I knew he had
always been there for me, that I may be broken but there was nothing keeping me
from him. And I knew that healing was going to take time. And that was okay.
We Need Stories:
I had heard everything I learned from that book before.
Pastors had preached it in sermons. Wiser, older people had said it to me in an
attempt to encourage me. I’d heard others talking about the principles in
conversation.
But I needed a book about vampires, and crazy old ladies,
and mischievous nuns to really make the message sink in. I needed a fictional
character to go to Ireland to find God so that I could too.
We need stories because they speak to us in ways other
things never can. They say fiction is telling truth with lies and I
wholeheartedly believe that.
Stories teach us things, show us things, remind us of
things. They build us up and take us places we’d never get to go otherwise.
I don’t know what my life would look like without this book.
I’m sure God would have found some other way to speak to me- he’s God, after
all, and I know now he never would have given up on me- but still, the process
would have taken so much longer, been even more painful than it was without
this book.
God uses stories. I don’t know why. I guess because he’s
merciful like that- he’s willing to use the things that make us happy, that we
allow ourselves to get lost in, to speak to us. He’s willing to use those
things to reach us when nothing else can.
Even if you don’t think your book has a strong message, like
the book I talked about does, that doesn’t matter. My best friend likes to tell
me about the spiritual truths she finds in Doctor Who and Star Trek and Stargate.
You don’t have to set out to tell your readers something.
Just know that if you write with the intention of telling the truth your
readers will find the truth they need. If you’re writing your story, trusting
that even in its messy state, God can and will use it, then that’s all that
matters.
Conclusion:
We are just days away from finishing NaNoWriMo. November is
almost over and hopefully your novel is too. You’re almost there. You’ve got
this.
And yes, that novel is a mess. It’s an utter nightmare right
now. No one will ever make any sense of it, right?
Wrong. You will have time to edit and polish and rewrite.
Right now you’re getting words on paper and that’s enough.
But be encouraged. Someday this messy, messy first draft is
going to be something beautiful. It’s going to be something that changes lives.
Someday a very lost teenager is going to read your book and God is going to use
it to fuse back together all the broken pieces.
And until then all you have to do is keep writing. The only
story that can’t change someone else’s life is the story you keep to yourself.
I hope to see you on Friday for some bookish fun. Until the
next time we meet, don’t forget to live happily ever after <3
~Jennifer Sauer, the Ivory Palace Princess
P.S. Let’s Chat! What
stories has God used to change your life? Which ones still continue to bring
you healing?