How to Write Women: A Guide

Hello, my lovelies!!

Several weeks ago I was talking to a young woman I have had the pleasure of seeing grow up. She’s still young- in high school- but she has come so far and grown so much and I am so proud of the woman she is growing into.

I want nothing but the best for her. She is an incredible young woman who is going to go so far and do all sorts of amazing things. She’s talented, has the sweetest heart, and is so very insightful.

So you can imagine my concern when she expressed to me that she’s been struggling with the way girls are portrayed in media. Because while she’s smart enough to say “That’s not how I’m supposed to be” there are so many girls who don’t have that wisdom.

The Tests:

It has been the curse of females everywhere to read novels and see a cast of strong, well-written men, to watch movies with deep portrayals of male protagonists, and then when we look for stories with similarly written females we come up short.

In the writing/literary world we have this thing called the Bechdel test. The requirements for a story to pass this test are simple enough- the story must have two female characters, both of whom are named, and they need to have at least one conversation with each other about something other than a man.

It really should be easy for stories to pass this test, but it’s actually so hard that the writing world has come up with another easier test- the Sexy Lamp test. In order to administer this test, you need to imagine the female in the story is replaced with an inanimate object. It fails if the story is still largely the same even though one of its major characters has been all but removed.

The Tropes:
Why? For a world with a huge number of female writers why is it so hard to find women who are well-written? Why do little girls have to find themselves gravitating to male characters as favorites not because they just happen to prefer that character but because the females put in front of them are confusing and frustrating?

For years the majority of girls in stories were reduced to the love interest or damsel in distress in the story. In classics if the protagonist is a male there is a good chance the girl’s role will be to help the main character in his own growth and spiritual awakening but she herself is nothing more than a symbol.

In later years there has been a new wave of females written specifically to counteract these portrayals of old. They are the “strong,” “independent” females who have trouble making friends with other women because these other girls are too silly or immature or girly for them and the extent of their character development at the start of their story is to say as often as they can, “I don’t want to get married.”

Because the desire to be married, obviously, makes you far from strong or independent.

The Mixed Messages:

The Mama Bear trope is often considered to be the pinnacle of fierceness. And yet in stories we’re told that getting married and having babies makes you weak. How does that make sense?

The things we see in the world around us- the good, beautiful, inspiring things- are the ones we’re told in stories are bad, bad things. We’re told we’re weak for wanting a relationship, companionship, and that not only can I never be a strong independent female for wanting those things but no other strong independent female will ever want to be my friend if I want them.

We teach girls to either compete with each other for man’s affection or to isolate ourselves from other girls because we’re too good for them. Our ideals are so much more enlightened than theirs that we can’t even stoop to talk to them, that’s how far beneath us they are.

We constantly tout the idea that violence isn't the answer but a female who isn't a warrior- who can't wield a sword or hold her own in a fist fight- is said to be weak, isn't a role model or someone to be admired. A female who is diplomatic is considered weak or the writers feel the need to also throw in that while she mostly uses her words she can still definitely take you down if you cross her.

We counteract stories that teach girls to compete with each other with stories that tell girls to be loners. We feed into the idea of girls being petty, manipulative, and drama-seekers instead of encouraging girls to cultivate friendships with the women around them. To learn from them. To seek relationships that aren’t romantic, pure and innocent and healthy relationships.

So how are we supposed to write women, you ask?

Write People:
Stop writing “women” and start writing “people.”

The problem with most female characters isn’t that they want to get married or they don’t. The problem is that their character development begins and ends there. We have reduced females in stories to sexy lamps who have no purpose save to look pretty or friendless parrots who say the same thing over and over again because people think that’s what we need and want to hear.

But what we really want and need is for our gender to no longer be used in stories to prove a point or serve as an example or symbol for us as a whole.

Women are all different- we're lawyers and soldiers and housewives and warriors. Some of us are soft and gentle and could never use a weapon if we tried. Some of us were practically born with us a weapon in our hands. Some of us are good with our words and want to use them to change the world. Some of us are called to fight for our country and what we believe in. Some of us are different mixes of those things.

Even if you believe in gender roles and women having a certain position in the world that doesn’t make them all the same. We’re individuals who want to be treated as such. When we read a story we don’t want to read about a cardboard cutout of what someone things we ought to be. We want to read about an individual person who might be vastly different than us but feels real and complex. We’ve been reading about guys for years, after all, so reading about women who are different from us isn’t going to be that much of a shock to our systems.

What Makes the Tick?

See there is actually nothing wrong with the damsel in distress or the girl who states over and over again that she doesn’t want to get married. There are women in this world who are those ways and there is nothing wrong with having characters like that in a story.

But make them people. Why is the damsel in distress the way she is? I would actually love to see a story where this trope is done without it being a trope. I would love to see a damsel in distress who feels like a real, honest individual with hopes and insecurities and dreams and weaknesses.

Or the woman who doesn’t want to get married. Why does she feel that way? Because she is modern and enlightened isn’t an actual reason. A modern and enlightened woman can also be a stay-at-home mom- the two are not mutually exclusive. Or maybe this character does just simply not have that desire. But what desires does she have? What are her strengths? What are her weaknesses?

Give Them a Balance:
Oftentimes, to counteract the portrayals of women as weak nobodies, these female characters who are portrayed as strong and independent don’t have weaknesses. They are shown almost as if they are the pinnacle of womanhood. They’re strong and fierce and don’t need anyone to do anything for them and they aren’t ever weak or insecure and have no flaws whatsoever.

Which basically is just taking the male adventure hero trope that people like to complain about, changing the character from a male to a female, and rebranding it as a good thing.

Write women with weaknesses. Write women with flaws. Write women who are insecure and vulnerable and frail. Write women who are strong. Independent. Fierce. But make them a believable balance of the positive and negative.

I want a woman who is fierce but flawed. Independent but insecure. Strong in some places but weak in others.

But also remember that not every women is an exact balance. Making her a happily married woman who also knows how to hold her own in a fighting arena is also just a trope if she's not developed. And again, there are different definitions of strength so while you can make your woman a warrior also consider there are a lot of women out there who have strengths in other places.

Again, Write People:
Forget tropes and start writing people like people. Make your characters real with hopes and aspirations, flaws and insecurities. Give them a history. Give them dreams for the future. Give them friends or make them lonely. Give them friends and make them lonely at the same time.

Look at the world around you, at all the intricate layers of humanity. Look at how detailed every individual’s personality is and then take a long, hard look at your own characters. Can they be replaced with an inanimate object or are they too complex to be compare with something like a lamp?

Male or female remember that your characters are people before they are anything else. They aren’t a symbol or a stereotype or a standard for everyone else.

So write them as such.

If you need some help with where to start with this, be sure to check out my post about outlining characters.

I hope to see you on Friday for my latest review! And until the next time we meet, don’t forget to live happily ever after <3

~Jennifer Sauer, the Ivory Palace Princess

P.S. Let’s chat! What are some problems you see with the way women are written? Who are some of your favorite female characters or female characters you think are written the best?